Flicker
by lloydskywalkers
Summary: Kai runs hot - always has, always will. Fire is who he is, always burning bright, and he's never doubted his control of it. It just hadn't occurred to him what would happen if he lost that. Or, Kai's relationship with both fire and his family, as seen in several snapshots over the series. (Season 11 spoilers!)


**It's occurred to me that I am _way_ behind on uploading my tumblr oneshots on here, like...a good five or six fics behind? ahhhHHH maybe I'll just dump all the angst week ones in a multi-chapt later this week but I'll get them up eventually.**

**Anyways, spoilers for season 11 if you haven't seen it yet! I've been wanting to write something about this ever since Kai got some spotlight, because I love the fire boy and I also love Family, so here's an extra-long rambling on Kai and his relationship with fire.**

**(Also keep an eye out this week for the next chapter of All I'm Asking For because I've left it alone WAY TOO LONG T-T)**

* * *

Kai's always liked fire. He likes the way it dances, flickering back and forth and lighting up the dark. He likes the different colors it burns, how warm it feels when you get close. Fire's a source of destruction, of course, he knows that — but it's never been that way for him. Heat like that can be useful, he thinks. Heat like that can be used to heal, not to burn, people just have trouble seeing it that way, sometimes.

A lot of this is just a metaphor for himself, and yeah, Kai's aware of that.

Kai runs hot — always has, always will.

It's not a normal kind of hot, either, the kind of hot where he's always moving too much, like the woman down the street claims. Kai runs _unusually_ hot, and that's not just him being dramatic, either. Kai runs hot enough to fool thermometers and doctors and Nya's hand when she runs it over his forehead. He runs hot enough to radiate heat, enough that Nya's calling him a furnace as soon as she learns what that is.

It's not something he, personally, notices much. Kai lives in the forge — if he was always overheated, he'd be dead by now. Kai just runs at a temperate different than anyone else does, that's all. It doesn't bother him.

He has, of course, worried about it bothering Nya, but fortunately that doesn't seem to be the case.

Quite the opposite, in fact.

"Kai?"

Kai drags sleep-heavy eyelids open, blinking in the dim light that filters from the half-patched holes in the roof of their tiny home. At first, he's confused to why Nya's tiny voice is waking him this early in the morning. The shop doesn't open for another couple hours, and he's pretty sure the forge isn't burning down — he _did_ remember to extinguish everything before he closed up, right?

Nya interrupts his flow of thought, tip-toeing across the creaking floor of their home. Her hair falls oddly, the fringe from the cut he'd wrangled it into sticking up all over her forehead. She stops at his bed, barely coming up to his eye-level as she stares at him with wide, dark eyes.

"_Kai_," she hisses, this time more insistent.

Kai blinks again, runs a hand over his face, and sighs. "Wha'issit, Nya?"

Nya leans closer, bringing the threadbare edge of her blanket tighter across her shoulders. "I'm cold," she whispers, sounding very much upset with the fact.

"Oh," Kai says, awareness filtering back in as his heart sinks. Winter is coming on faster this year, and for all that Kai's been good about saving up, they really _can't_ afford to have the heat on just yet. He'd been hoping that the forge alone would keep them warm until then, but apparently not.

He bites his lip, a familiar ache settling in his chest. Nya deserves better — way better, and Kai can't give her it, and he's trying his best but ever since their parents—

Nya seems to have finally lost patience with him, as she's pushing at his arm.

"Move," she grunts, shoving at his arm with tiny fingers. "C'mon, you big lug—"

"Nya, what—?" Kai moves his arm for her, confused — and she promptly crawls up into the space it was occupying, hauling herself into his bed as she clambers over his legs and—

"_Oof_, Nya, that's my stomach—"

Nya ignores him, finally shoving him over enough that there's a small space for her in his bed. She quickly burrows beneath the blankets, pressing herself up against him and shoving her freezing toes against his leg. Kai flinches back with a high-pitched yelp, fully awake now.

"Nya!" he hisses, rubbing his leg. "You're freezing!"

"Duh," Nya sniffs, shoving her face into his side. "Tha's why I'm here."

Kai frowns at her, fully prepared for a long lecture about _where_ you stick your freezing toes, when she nuzzles her forehead into his chest, sighing contentedly as her shivers subside.

"Nice an' toasty," she murmurs, hugging his arm like he's a particularly tough teddy bear.

Kai stares at her, his mouth still half-open even though the words have long left him. He finally sighs, shaking his head before laying it back onto his pillow, the hint of smile on his lips as he watches Nya's full one.

He might not be able to afford heating right now, but at least he can do this, he thinks, wrapping his other arm around her so his little sister is pulled close.

* * *

It takes a few years, but Kai eventually learns that his proclivity to run hot is not, in fact, just a freak hiccup of his body. No, it's due to something a whole lot _cooler_ — or warmer, haha, since he's the Master of Fire now, you know.

Well, he's always been the Master of Fire, he guesses. He just didn't know, unlike the rest of his…teammates? Partners? Kai watches the others out of the corner of his eyes, narrowing them shrewdly. Sensei Wu's other chosen ninja are nice, of course — sure, they did a whole of of unnecessary showing off, in Kai's opinion, but they don't seem like they're awful people. Just a little odd (_a lot odd, in some cases_), but so is Kai, as Nya's told him.

_Nya_.

The reminder burns hot in his chest, and not in the nice way. Nya, his little sister, the one person on earth he cares most about, the person he'd sworn he'd _die_ before letting anything bad happen to her—

Well. Something bad's definitely happened to her, and Kai's still alive.

Looks like he'll have to make it up to her another way, he thinks hollowly, pulling his travel blanket tighter around himself as he leans back against one of the trees that line their campsite. Another way like kicking Garmadon's charred, evil as—

"Hey, you're the fire ninja, right?"

Kai looks up. The lightning ninja's in front of him — Jay, right, because the earth ninja's always calling him bluejay. He's a good foot shorter than Kai, and a whole lot scrawnier, and Kai wouldn't even consider him a threat if he didn't know what he could do. Right now, though, the lightning ninja just looks tired. The fire from earlier's long burned out, and his complexion looks paler than usual under the moonlight.

"Yeah," Kai finally says. "That's me."

"Oh good," Jay says, a grin pulling at his freckles. "I mean, I already knew that, but you know, just double-checking."

Kai stares at him, about to ask what on earth he would need to double-check for, when Jay's suddenly left his line of view and is sitting down next to him, leaning up against Kai's tree with him.

"It's pretty cold out tonight, huh?" Jay says, ignoring Kai's stare as he pulls his travel blanket around himself, letting out a shiver. "Kinda wasn't expecting it to get this cold, with how warm it was earlier when we had to haul Sensei around, but then I should know better. I grew up in the desert, you know? Well — kinda, I mean. I grew up outside of Ninjago City, on the edge of the desert, so it'd get super hot in the day, but then it'd get _freezing_ when the sun went down—"

Kai continues to stare at him, momentarily lost for words. He's on the verge of asking where Jay manages to keep all the air he has for chattering in him, because he's a shrimp, when Jay suddenly scoots closer, his eyes lighting up.

"Hey, you're like, really warm!" Jay informs him in delight. "Kinda like a thermos, or something."

Kai blinks, then frowns. "I'm the Master of Fire," he says, stiffly. "It's a thing."

"Well, yeah, I figured," Jay says, seemingly unruffled by the _go away _vibe Kai is attempting to give off. "That's why I came over to you in the first place, but I wasn't sure, you know? 'Cause Zane's ice, and he's always freezing, but Cole is earth and he's definitely not made of rock, big softy."

Jay has a fond look on his face as he talks about the others, and it leaves Kai with a weird kind of ache in his chest. Almost as if _he_ wants to be part of that, whatever camaraderie the others have formed before he got there.

"Well," Kai says, awkwardly. "I'm definitely warm."

"Oh, yeah," Jay agrees, somehow scooting closer. "It's great."

Kai eyes him narrowly. Jay has yet to explain why he's decided to pile up next to Kai, by _Kai's _tree, but he's starting to get a sneaking suspicion.

"Hey," Jay's tone changes. His voice is suddenly serious, and Kai is almost taken about at the change in levity. "We're gonna get your sister back, you know that, right?"

Kai blinks at him, words twisting in his chest, then looks down. "Yeah," he whispers. "I know."

They _will_, if it's the last thing Kai ever does—

"I'm serious," Jay says, his voice sincere. "We're all in this together, right? And ninja look out for each other, which definitely includes their sisters."

Kai looks back up at him, and Jay gives him a bright smile.

"Word of a ninja," he says. "We'll get her back."

Kai looks at him for a moment longer, then looks back at the smoldering embers left from their fire earlier, suddenly blinking rapidly. There's a thick kind of lump in his throat, the annoying kind that makes his eyes smart.

It's just — it's been a while since someone's reassured him like that, much less cared enough to. A long time since someone's sounded like they care about Nya — like they care about _him_.

Maybe this team thing really is worth a try, Kai thinks, staring up at the few stars visible in the clouded night sky.

He finally closes his eyes, exhaling. Then drags them back open, feeling more at peace. "Thanks, Jay."

There's no reply, just a sudden weight as Jay's head drops onto his shoulder. Kai's brows draw into a glare, and he's about to pull away and chew him out before there's a soft, quiet snore. Kai's eyebrows shoot up instead.

_He's already asleep — are you kidding me?_

Kai gapes at him, the uninvited blue barnacle that's using his shoulder as a pillow. He should shake him off. He really should, they aren't _that_ close yet.

But…

Jay looks remarkably peaceful snoring into his shoulder, and he doesn't look as pale as he did earlier either, color flooding the spaces between his freckles. He's long stopped shivering, too, and the grip he has on his blanket isn't so white-knuckled.

And he did go out of his way to comfort Kai.

And Kai did use the word _yet_.

Kai finally sighs, shaking his head in defeat. "G'nite, Jay," he yawns.

* * *

Kai's fire gets a whole lot brighter after that, a whole lot quicker.

He also manages to pick up family members like it's bargain day at the adoption grocery store, but by the time they're a team of five instead of four, and Kai's got a brand new baby brother to smother so Nya gets a break, he can't find it in himself to mind. His fire has purpose now, something to burn hotter for, and he learns to find pride in that.

And then he fails, like he _always_ does, and his fire falters.

Zane's loss leaves him cold as the ice that lined the city was, and for a while, Kai loses himself. He tears himself from the others and wanders far enough that not even Lloyd or Nya can bring him back, and he tells himself he's fine with that.

It's only by the time they get Zane back, that Kai's finally able to admit that isolating himself from everyone was a bit of a terrible idea.

Like, completely without foresight, pretty stupid, bit of a terrible idea.

"Lloyd, wait—"

"Just gotta check up with my dad, I'll be right back, keep an eye on Zane!"

Kai sighs, running a hand over his face as he watches Lloyd scurry off. He bites back a curse. _Darn_ it. Lloyd's grown more in his absence, enough that Kai can't read him like he could before he left (_yet_, just give him a week).

This doesn't mean Kai's at a loss — this is Lloyd, duh. But this does mean that Kai has no idea what's going on in his little brother's head right now, and that's something Kai wants to know, because as much as he'd made a mistake in isolating himself, that mistake had _nothing_ on the one he just made down in Chen's ceremonial chamber.

_Idiot_, Kai curses himself again as he kicks at the ground, slowly making his way back across the courtyard to Zane. How had he messed up _that_ badly? Lloyd had just lost the sheltered kind of wariness toward him too, the one he'd picked up after Kai had shot him down when he'd first tried to get the team back together, and now Kai's gone and — and what, terrified him, or something?

_Or something_, Kai thinks glumly as he finally catches sight of Zane. Hopefully Zane doesn't chew him out too, because he's gotten enough of an earful from Nya.

Zane glances up at him from the step he's sitting on as he draws near, his new eyes glinting in the sun pouring across the courtyard in front of Chen's palace. He looks different than he did before, all silvery and metallic, but it's still _Zane_, with his kind eyes and little half-smiles and even voice, and Kai's missed him so much his eyes almost start watering all over again.

"Hey, bud," Kai says, trying to inject cheer into his voice. It's less difficult than he'd thought — despite the other events of the day, the joy at regaining Zane has yet to fade. "How you holding up?"

The corner of Zane's mouth quirks up, and he jerks his shoulder in a little shrug. "I have yet to fall to pieces, so I am holding up well, I suppose."

Kai knows it's a joke, he does. But the image of Zane falling apart hits a little too close to home, and he cringes. Zane's eyes widen briefly, realization clicking, and he ducks his head.

"Ah, forgive me," he murmurs. "I guess that's…too soon."

"No, no, it's—" Kai bites his lip. It's not fine, because in what world is Zane having _died_ ever going to be _fine_, but for right now, standing on the edge of at least one victory with the sun shining… "It's fine," he says. "I'm glad you're not falling to pieces. They did an okay job of putting you back together, then."

Zane shrugs again. "As best that I could ask for," he says. A shadow crosses his face. "It's not the work of my father, but it allowed me to return to you. That is what matters."

"Oh," Kai says, blinking. He hadn't even thought of that. He also doesn't know how to begin approaching that one.

"I'm not complaining, of course," Zane continues. "But I am—" he rubs the edge of his wrist. "Still getting used to it," he mutters. "The metal isn't holding up to the cold like it used to. The joints feel frozen."

Kai makes a sympathetic noise. "It's might just be 'cause you went without your powers so long," he suggests. "Mine felt a little out of control for a second when I got them back, and you went way longer without them than I did."

Zane tilts his head, considering this. "That would make sense," he says. He rubs at his wrist again, a brief expression of pain crossing his face. Kai moves before he's thinking, sitting next to Zane on the steps.

"Want help defrosting?" he offers. Zane eyes him, then lets him take his wrist. A flicker of relief crosses his face as Kai feels for the frozen spots in his arm, melting what he can with his powers and leaving the rest to his own warmth.

It's a lot, compared to Zane, who's cold as always. Kai's hand tightens briefly around Zane's arm, and he takes a shuddering breath. Zane is solid and alive beneath him, and the cold shiver of the blast that destroyed the Overlord he's feeling is only in his head—

"Kai." Zane's looking at him, his eyes gentle. "I am alright."

Kai's lips tighten. "Yeah," he says, thickly. "But you _weren't_."

Zane looks away, his eyes flashing. "I don't regret what I did," he says, stiffly. Something in Kai's chest goes tight. "I can't," Zane continues, looking at Kai as if imploring him. "I can't regret it, Kai. I am the only one who could have accomplished what I did. And if any of you had been lost, there _would_ be no coming back. I am not going to apologize for keeping my family safe."

_They're all too similar,_ Kai thinks, with a hopeless sort of despair. How is _he_ supposed to argue with that?

"I-I get that," he finally breathes, his grip on Zane's wrist relaxing a bit. "But that doesn't mean you're expendable," he murmurs. "You don't have to take those hits."

"I'm machine, Kai," Zane says. "I can take hits you cannot—"

"That doesn't mean you should," Kai says, fiercely. "Why does somebody have to take the hits, anyways? Why can't we just — dodge them, or something? Why can't we all get out _fine?_"

Zane's eyes widen, and Kai ducks his head briefly to hide the emotion he knows is swimming in his. _Darn_ it.

He feels Zane tug his wrist from his grasp, only to immediately take his hand instead, squeezing.

"Next time," Zane says, slowly. "We'll try. All of us getting out fine, that is."

Kai snorts, lightly knocking his head against Zane's shoulder as the fire drains from him. "Next time," he groans. "You really gotta give the universe that opening, huh."

Zane smiles, a full one. "Would you prefer our lives be boring?"

Kai looks at him, and shakes his head with a tiny laugh. "Depends on your definition of boring," he says, but he takes Zane's wrist again, thawing out the last of the frozen spots with a flash of warmth. Zane lifts his wrist, rotating it twice and looking pleased.

"That is better," he exhales in relief. "Thank you, Kai."

"Anytime," Kai grins. "Just make it up to me by never falling apart again."

* * *

With most of its light taken, Kai's fire burns lesser than it usually does, and he's never been more infuriated with the fact.

Lloyd is half-frozen by the time they pull him from the Caves of Despair, blue-lipped and shivering, and Kai is tempted to push his slowly-returning powers to the max and light him a fire on the beach here and now.

But he can see Sensei bringing the ship around even now, and he knows that as soon as he could even get a fire started, they'd have to move Lloyd again. So he pulls Lloyd closer, his arm loped around his shoulders — _too bony, too thin, too cold to be his brother's_ — and hopes that he's at least running warm, today.

Lloyd shudders, but he leans closer into Kai as they limp their way to the ship, and Kai figures that's the best he can ask for right now.

Or it was, until they hit the deck and Lloyd's suddenly going boneless, the last strength he'd been using to walk vanishing. Kai barely manages to catch him before he hits the ground, and then things go chaotic for a moment. Misako is gasping and Jay is giving a panicked little yelping sound, Zane sounds like he's trying run a diagnosis and Nya looks like she's crying and Sensei is trying to grab Lloyd away from him which Kai is _not having_, no thank you, Lloyd is staying with _him_ and anyone else can keep their hands _off_—

Kai probably overreacts, a bit.

But Lloyd's been in Morro's grasp for _weeks_.

"S'not your fault," Lloyd manages to get out between wracking shivers, once they've brought him belowdeck. There's not much on board but a pathetic excuse for a couch they're using as an even more pathetic excuse as a sickbed, and even though they've smothered him in the few blankets they have, they're still on the ocean, Lloyd is still in a soaked gi, and some boats just don't believe in proper heating systems.

Nya hushes him gently, working at the outer layer of his gi that's stuck to his skin. She's trying to get to his wrist, Kai thinks, because he can see the awful purpling of skin beneath where the fabric's torn.

Lloyd looks down, damp strands of blond —_ blond, not black, Kai's never appreciated the color more_ — hair hanging in his face as he wrings the edge of his gi out with trembling fingers, watching as the river water puddles on the floor. Kai swallows. The water that's dripping from his elbow has turned a rusty, reddish color, as if it's run into half-dried wounds somewhere beneath Lloyd's gi.

_If_, Kai realizes with a sick swoop, is probably an incorrect term.

Nya gives a muttered curse, fussing over a spot near his neck. "This might be infected," she murmurs, her voice tight. "It's hard to tell with the bruising, but this cut down here definitely is, so…"

Nya trails off. Lloyd says nothing, his eyes hollow as he stares at the floor, and Kai feels something painful close down on his chest. _Weeks_. There are weeks of wounds and bruises on his brother, and Kai knows _too well_ which ones he put there himself—

Nya's hand falters as she reaches the clasp on his gi that stretches over his chest, and her face goes white for some reason. She swallows, her jaw working before she shakes her head.

"I'm not sure how much we can do for him here," she says, her voice tight. "But I'll get Zane. He may be able to help."

She squeezes Lloyd's shoulder before she goes, her expression set and strong in comparison to Lloyd's hazy gaze.

Kai catches her dashing at her eyes as she goes, though, and he knows he isn't the only one blaming himself.

Brushing those thoughts off, Kai scoots his seat closer to Lloyd, taking up his hand where Nya left it. The least he can do is wrap the scrapes, he thinks, as he watches Lloyd carefully. His lips are still tinged blue, and the hand Kai is wrapping is far too pale to be his little brother's. He's too _cold_, Kai thinks again, with a fiery burst of anger. He's too thin to hold in heat right now, gaunt and wasted away as Morro's left him. His face is ashy white and his cheekbones too pronounced and _FSM_, if Morro's gone and killed the last of Lloyd's baby fat with this—

Lloyd shivers violently, his teeth clacking on a plaintive, pained whimper, and Kai tears himself from the hot rage building in his gut.

"You okay?" he asks quickly, before realizing that's a stupid question. "I can go grab you another blanket, and — there might a spare hoodie somewhere, so you aren't stuck in that—"

Kai moves to stand, figuring he'll send Cole in to keep watch while he's gone, because he's not leaving Lloyd alone for another _second_, when Lloyd's hand suddenly latches around his wrist, cold fingers holding tight.

"S-stay," Lloyd manages. "Please?"

Kai blinks, his heart twisting even as he frowns. As if he'd ever be able to say no to _that_.

"You're freezing," he tries. "You gotta get warm, Lloyd, I'm just gonna grab—"

"You're warm," Lloyd rasps, his eyes panicked. "You're — I haven't — it's just been — him and me, for s_o long_, and—"

Lloyd stutters over the words, as if speaking itself is unfamiliar, and frustration flashes across his expression. His fingers skirt the edge of his forehead, as if reassuring himself he's the only one in it. Then his fingernails start digging in tight, and Kai's sliding onto the couch next to him, hastily tugging his hand away.

"Okay," he says, quickly. "I'll stay. I'm staying."

Lloyd's shoulders sag in relief, even as another shudder wracks him, and Kai moves closer on the couch, pulling Lloyd to him. Lloyd leans into him with a soft noise of relief, wincing briefly as his arm shifts before settling. Kai's briefly debating the wisdom of starting a fire on a tiny wooden ship in the middle of open sea, when Lloyd speaks up.

"Thanks for — saving me," he whispers, his voice cracked and ragged in the quiet of the cabin.

Kai bites his lip. "I didn't do much," he mutters, angry at himself. "You still got dropped in the river. You still spent weeks—"

"S'fine, Kai," Lloyd's quiet voice interrupts him. A ghost of a smile crosses his face. "I liked how you t-tricked him with the Realm Crystal. Was funny."

"Oh yeah." Kai blinks, remembering the low fire he'd been able to draw up to heat the crystal with. "Hey, you like that, just wait until I get a clear shot at his face."

Lloyd gives a shivering snort, burying his face more firmly into Kai's side. Kai wants to argue that he should go for the blanket — Kai took a swim in the river too, and he's not dry himself at the moment, even if he's not chattering his teeth apart like Lloyd is.

But Lloyd seems to disagree, clearly finding some sort of comfort from him. His shivers begin to ebb, the awful tightness in his shoulders relaxing as he slumps against Kai, his face hidden in his gi. Kai adjusts his hold, pulling Lloyd closer with both arms, as if he can will the heat from the fire in his veins to cross over to Lloyd through osmosis.

Lloyd gives a shuddery breath, his fingers wrapping tight around the edge of Kai's gi. "I don' wanna go to the museum alone anymore," he whispers, his voice thick.

Kai's arms tighten more, his eyes burning. "You're not going _anywhere_ alone," he says, his voice raw. "Ever again. You got that? I'm not letting you go, ever."

Lloyd makes a snuffled noise of what might be amusement. "Gotta lemme go eventually," he mumbles.

Kai shakes his head, even though he knows Lloyd can't see the gesture. As if. He presses his head against the top of Lloyd's, damp hair tickling his face as he assures himself that he's _there_.

He's failed to protect Lloyd one too many times, now. If something like this happens again, _someone's_ gonna die.

"Good luck getting rid of me, runt," he murmurs.

* * *

Kai's fire is tested, again and again, but the biggest test doesn't even come down to fighting — it comes down to the forge, right back where he started, and the irony isn't lost on him.

At least the FSM had the foresight to chose one blacksmith for his ninja, he thinks sourly, after realizing how close they'd all come to dying horribly.

Some of them much closer than others.

He spends the first few hours after the battle's won in a panic, latching onto Lloyd much like he did when he still barely came up to his knee (Lloyd will argue that him growing several feet taller didn't change anything, but Lloyd is an ungrateful brat, so). The image of his little brother lying motionless on the monastery stone, cold and sightless and _gone_, is still too fresh, and with all that Lloyd's been through recently, and all that Kai's had to stand back and _watch_, he's not planning on detaching anytime soon.

But Lloyd isn't the only one he'd almost lost — Cole had been lost too, for a minute there, and that reminder scrapes in his throat like sandpaper. Lloyd must notice, because he gently pushes Kai away, assuring him that he's fine, he's good now, and Nya's got an eye on him anyways.

"I think Cole could use you, too," Lloyd finishes, his eyes concerned.

Kai, more worn out than he'd thought he could be after a day, simply nods, squeezing Lloyd's arm briefly before getting to his feet. He trudges through the monastery, picking his way over fallen beams and rubble. It doesn't take him long to find Cole — none of them are eager to wander very far, preferring to stay close to each other.

So they can remind themselves they're all alive, Kai thinks, something tight in his chest unwinding as he spots Cole, leaning against the edge of the wall that holds their paintings, eyes fluttering as he basks in the waning sun. Kai halts just at the edge of the wall, studying Cole briefly, before Cole speaks up.

"How's Lloyd?"

Cole's voice is quiet, but he doesn't sound as wrecked as Kai does. "He's alright," Kai says, moving forward and sitting cross-legged on the stone next to Cole. "Kinda shaken up, I think, but he's a tough little green machine."

"Thank FSM for that," Cole murmurs, leaning his head back against the wall. Kai nods, then frowns.

"Where'd the others get off to?" It's odd that they'd leave Cole alone — Jay's been an especially clingy barnacle, his face pinched and concerned as he'd stuck to Cole after the battle. Zane hadn't been much better, flitting between Cole and Lloyd like an anxious, manic sort of nurse.

"Jay busted his ankle during the battle," Cole sighs. "He would've gotten away with it if Zane hadn't caught him limping, so they're patching that up in the monastery."

"Ah," Kai says, internally wincing. He hadn't even noticed Jay'd been hurt. He'd been so focused on—

"I'm fine, you know," Cole says, his eyes still closed where he leans against the wall. "In case you were thinking of going off like a mother hen, too."

Kai narrows his eyes at him briefly. Cole has been claiming he's fine ever since he sprung from his vehicle like a big smug hero, but it doesn't take a genius to spot the ugly bruising that's spanning the back of his neck and shoulders, the haunted look that still lingers on his face.

But Cole looks as exhausted as he is, so Kai swallows the sharp retort he's forming.

"Please. Me, a mother hen?" he snorts instead. "Have you met me?"

Cole laughs at that, a real, warm laugh that sounds like _Cole_ again, and Kai feels rather pleased with himself. Cole's expression tightens briefly, and he shifts, a hissing escaping his teeth as he rubs his left shoulder.

"Cole," Kai says.

"Yeah, I _know_," Cole grumbles, sounding resigned. "Let me have my dignity for five more minutes, alright?"

Kai chews on the inside of his cheek, glaring at him. Cole's eyes are still closed, but he seems to sense the stare he's getting, because he sighs, his head dropping as he scrubs at his eyes.

"I just…there's sun out here," he finally murmurs. "You can't feel it as well inside."

Kai frowns at that, confused. "What do you need the sun for?"

Cole looks up, the reddening sunlight glinting in his dark eyes, and it suddenly hits Kai. _Oh_. He's just a moron, then. Of course Cole wants to see the sun, he just fell into a death cloud of eternal darkness.

"Oh," he says lamely, probably sounding like an idiot.

Cole shakes his head, his eyes going haunted again. "I didn't…think I'd see it again," he exhales on a ghost of a laugh. "It was so dark, you know? I didn't — I wasn't giving up, but I…it was…"

Cole trails off, his expression shadowing. "It was cold," he murmurs, flexing his hand and watching the veins shift. "It was _so_ cold. Like I'd never be warm again, like I was—"

Cole swallows, his jaw working, and Kai is pretty useless right now, but at least Cole's given him something. Cole's hand fists in on itself again, tight and rigid, and Kai grabs for it with a huff, forcing his fingers to relax.

"You're gonna break something, stop that," he chides.

Cole goes tense, but he doesn't pull away, watching as Kai drags his fingers back open, until Cole looks slightly more relaxed. Kai moves to pull his hand away, but he shifts closer to Cole, so his arm is bumping his. This would work a lot _better_ if Cole had kept up the sleeveless tradition, Kai think sourly as he brings the fire in his veins up a few degrees hotter, but something in Cole's expression fractures and eases out all the same, and he leans heavier against Kai.

_Good enough_, Kai figures.

Cole's eyes flutter, the stress lines in his forehead easing out before his eyebrows furrow briefly. "You aren't running a fever, are you?"

"Nah," Kai shakes his head. "That's just me, remember? Too hot to handle."

Cole snorts. "Always a hothead," he murmurs, but he sounds infinitely grateful for the fact, and Kai feels a flare of pride burst in his chest.

"Rock for brains," Kai shoots back, but it comes out disgustingly fond.

* * *

Irony's always been a big player in Kai's life, but it doesn't get _really_ cruel until they're in a realm of perpetual cold, where fire is desperately needed and would really come in handy, and his fire is _gone_.

It hadn't hit him, at first. Sure, Aspheera dangling him in the middle of the tomb like a rag doll and forcibly tearing the fire out of him hadn't been _fun_ — had hurt like heck, actually, he thinks as he rubs a hand across his chest. But he'd been able to get up and walk it off.

It wasn't until he tried to call up his powers to save someone from the fire snakes that he met a horrible, gaping emptiness in his chest, immediately followed by a blistering cold that cut him to the core.

That same cold cuts him even now, like it has this whole _fantastic_ experience. It doesn't matter how many layers he's got on, or how high he had cranked the heat, Kai still feels _cold_. He feels cold even under the sweltering heat of Aspheera's ugly fire-snake zombies — mummies — whatever they are, and he _definitely_ feels cold now that they're wandering though frozen wastelands.

Though this is more of a deathly freezing, Kai thinks bitterly, his arms quaking from shivers where he's wrapped them around himself.

He hisses through his teeth, watching his breath mist up in the air in front of him. They're lucky to have found the villagers, he knows that. They'd probably be _dead_ if they hadn't, and isn't that a pleasant thought. But even walking through the small village leaves him feeling half-dead, and the look on the faces of the villagers isn't a whole lot better. They're freezing too, have probably been freezing for decades, and that makes Kai's chest hurt in a way the loss of his powers doesn't.

And they're not the only ones, Kai thinks with a pang, as he shifts his way into their tent. The others don't look as bad as they did earlier, shivering next to him through the forests, but it's still bad. Jay's constantly hopping from foot to foot, his freckles standing out with definition against the white of his face. Cole seems slightly less bothered at first glance, but it's easy to see the constant fear he's holding back if you know him, the way he keeps looking to the sky in search of the sun.

Nya's stubbornly fighting back shivers, but her stubbornness is matched by her frustration at her powers, and she's fighting a losing battle. (_Kai can sympathize._) And Lloyd — Lloyd is doing his absolute best to hold them all together like he has been this whole thing, eyebrows set in the determined kind of stubbornness he gets with his leader face, but ninety percent of the sentences he gets out are punctuated by his teeth chattering, and his arms are wrapped around himself so tightly Kai wonders if he's going to snap in half.

The absence of Zane is biting as usual, and Kai's trying not to think about it too hard. Bad memories, and all that.

They're gonna get him back sooner this time — they _will_.

And they could probably do it a lot faster if Kai's stupid _powers_ would work—

But they won't, Kai thinks, blinking back frustration. He's lost his — no, he hasn't just lost his powers. He's lost his fire, his heat, the one thing he's always been able to do right even when he was messing everything else up.

Kai's got nothing. He can't help these people, he can't help his family, and he can't even help himself. He's _useless_.

The wave of completely crippling despair that keeps trying to drown him is not helping, either.

Kai huddles tighter in on himself where he sits on the constructed bench, biting his lip in an attempt to get his teeth to stop chattering. Not — definitely not to hold back tears, or anything. That's not — he's _useless_, but he's not—

Nya suddenly materializes in front of him, kicking lightly at his leg with her foot.

"Scoot over," she orders. Kai blinks at her, then complies, shifting over and wincing as he does. Even moving hurts in this cold.

Instead of keeping her distance, like he'd expected, Nya shoves herself right into his personal space, knocking their elbows together and shoving his over until she's tucked against him, the end of her ponytail just tickling the edge of his chin.

Kai's about to ask her what she's doing — not that he minds, but they're in front of the villagers right now — but then Lloyd's barging his way against his other side, scooting in close and muttering something about Nya being a space hog. Nya sticks her tongue out at him from where she's taken over Kai's right arm, and Lloyd makes a face at her from where he's wrapped around his left.

"Guys, _what_—"

As if being sibling-sandwiched wasn't enough, Cole and Jay are suddenly there, coming in for the kill as well apparently, and there really is _not enough room on this bench_—

"Guys, for real." Kai's voice comes almost muffled from where he's smothered on all sides by his family, now unable to move for an entirely different reason. He manages to shift slightly, but Lloyd's got a death grip on his arm — the _urchin_ — and doesn't let him get any further.

Kai goes limp, exhaling.

"Guys, I'm not…" he trails off, biting his lip. His jaw clenches tightly, and he blows a shuddery breath out. "I'm not gonna warm you up this time. I don't have any heat left."

Jay snorts. "So?"

Kai blinks at him, and Cole shakes his head from where he's plastered at Kai's back. "Not the point," he sighs.

"It's never just 'cause the heat, you know," Lloyd says, quietly. "We like you for _you_. There's a personality in there, too."

"S'just our turn to warm you up," Nya says. "That's all. Fair's fair, right?"

_Oh_. Words are escaping Kai at the moment, along with any other ability to make sounds come out. He really _does_ have to blink back emotion this time, because it's so cold any kind of moisture that sneaks its way out is going to freeze almost immediately.

But it's also not quite as cold, all squished up by the others like this, and the blistering cold in Kai's chest doesn't ache so badly.

He might not have his fire, but he doesn't really have _nothing_. He's got his family. And that's enough warmth to keep him going for now.


End file.
